Year: 2022

In light of Donald Trump’s announcement Tuesday that he intends to mount a third presidential campaign to make America great yet again, Attorney General Merrick Garland has named former Justice Department lawyer Jack Smith as special counsel to investigate the former president and his many, many crimes.

Smith, a former prosecutor at the special court in The Hague for war crimes in Kosovo who once headed the DOJ’s Public Integrity Section, has conducted multiple high-profile public corruption cases, including Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and Arizona Rep. Rick Renzi for bribery and extortion.

In a hastily convened press conference, the AG vested Smith with authority over the two ongoing investigations of Donald Trump. Henceforward the sprawling queries into Trump’s involvement in the plot to use fake electors to obstruct certification of President Biden’s victory, as well as the more targeted inquiry into the theft of government documents, will be under the

You should expect Donnie Boy to have Twitter access again soon. Elon Musk — our resident Greater Value Lex Luther with a penchant for naming children after what appear to be slurs in the robot community — is expected to be the majority owner of Twitter by tomorrow.

If your immediate thought looking at this tweet wall of text was “Chris, I’m not trying to read all that, just tell me what this narcissist is getting at,” I am sorry to tell you that Mr. Musk’s Neuralink technology has already pre-empted your concern. He promises that his main motivation to buy the company was not profit, but to “[T]ry to help humanity, whom [he] loves.” It would appear that the cavalcade of Yes Men surrounding Musk failed to mention that this reads as the most ominous promise of benevolence since “We have a warrant, just come out with your hands