(Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images for TIME)
You should expect Donnie Boy to have Twitter access again soon. Elon Musk — our resident Greater Value Lex Luther with a penchant for naming children after what appear to be slurs in the robot community — is expected to be the majority owner of Twitter by tomorrow.
If your immediate thought looking at this tweet wall of text was “Chris, I’m not trying to read all that, just tell me what this narcissist is getting at,” I am sorry to tell you that Mr. Musk’s Neuralink technology has already pre-empted your concern. He promises that his main motivation to buy the company was not profit, but to “[T]ry to help humanity, whom [he] loves.” It would appear that the cavalcade of Yes Men surrounding Musk failed to mention that this reads as the most ominous promise of benevolence since “We have a
